Divorce and remarriage

 Divorce is an interesting concept, not enticing but interesting. I would imagine that it is possibly the most deceiving concept that we have allowed to become mainstream in our society. I do not believe that most people are improving their lives by going through with a divorce. Studies show that 70 % of people regret divorces. And they regret the decision within 2 years on average. 

Infidelity is NOT the most common reason for divorce. 95% of people when asked how they would respond to their spouses infidelity say they would divorce or kick them to the curb in some way. In reality 63% actually attempt to save the marriage! And 50% of those people report a happier and healthier marriage afterwards. So immediately we see that divorce is not necessarily the best option for the long turn.

I think most people get frustrated and annoyed rather than dealing with it in a healthy way, they imagine what life would be like without their spouse. In class the other day my professor shared something that I think is incredibly valuable. “Lots of people believe they can think one thing, and do another.” You see what you think becomes what you do, and what you do becomes who you are. I don't have all the answers, but the next time you and your spouse are fighting do not imagine life without them, or what things can offer you an escape from them. Instead think about how you can serve them, or what you possibly did wrong. It's hard! Believe me I'm often in the wrong and I have to dig deep in order to realize my role in things.

Shifting gears, let's talk about the fallout after a divorce. I’ve left this topic for last because in rare circumstances I do think that divorce is justified. However consider your friends if you have them, you will lose half of your couple friends. Maybe that matters for you, maybe it doesn't. Consider your children if you have them, in almost every case of divorce the children will lean towards one parent. Children under the age 12 prefer their mother and children over the age of 12 lean towards their father. This would be immensely difficult to try and grapple with as a parent! Can you even imagine feeling like your own children are choosing your spouse who divorced you? I imagine it would feel like the world is ending. I won't even go into the troubles that would come with getting remarried and merging that new parent into a family.

“You can never get enough of what you don't need.” I am still newly married, going on 8 months tomorrow actually. The one thing I know for certain is that marriage is hard, but daggum it's worth it. My wife knows about every little mistake I’ve made, and I know about every little insecurity she has. And with that trust comes love, so to answer your question you may have otherwise why would you be reading this? Divorce probably isn’t the answer. In the movie Fireproof a young and very in love couple slowly drifts apart because they are so focused on themselves and their careers. The man decides on the brink of signing divorce papers that he wants to try and save their marriage. He struggles for weeks trying to show her that he still loves her and wants to be with her and each gesture of love is rejected. He keeps trying and trying and eventually progress starts to be made. I highly recommend checking the movie out. I want to leave you with this final quote. ”Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”